Jumping right into it.  

Posted by: Savage

It's possible. It's completely possible. I COULD do it.
The problem is, I don't want to.
Yes, I want to, I want to get it done, but all of this calling and talking to people... my anxiety kicks in. I don't like talking to people I don't know unless it's too befriend them, which I'm good at. If it's to get information, I freak out.
I'd much rather just go to school. It was SO MUCH EASIER in high school, in that perspective. But I even sucked at that.

I don't even want to do the school thing.
I would much rather give up for good. Seriously.

I struggle with that need every day.
Everyone talking about suicide prevention and all of you telling me how much you love me, and the second part helps, it does, it really really does, but in the end, I don't want to work for it.
I've worked so hard in life already and look at where it got me - screwed over, stupid, and with the only good thing going for me being my friends.

I don't want to go through the disappointment of failing again.
I'd rather just know I'm going to fail, and then fall, because I've already fallen.

This entry was posted on Saturday, June 26, 2010 . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .


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